just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
