i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
