I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
