I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
