My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
