Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
