just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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