Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
