you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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