I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
