omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
