I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
