I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
