Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize
