you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
