I accidentally had phone sex last night
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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