Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
