Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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