She is in my trunk
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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