You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
