PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
