Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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