i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
