my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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