he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
