I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
