Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
