Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Vodka?
Forever.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
