I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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