There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
