Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
