i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
