You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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