in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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