One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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