i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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