people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
