and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
