nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You pole danced in your parka.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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