Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
