Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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