She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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