Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
