I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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