That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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