I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize