never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
