They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
