I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
