We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
