Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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