i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
