I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
