life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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