Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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