i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
