a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
