I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
