He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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