It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
