thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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