Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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