Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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