I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
