This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
