can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
