Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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